The two September birthdays have gone. Mine was indeed memorable for some lovely moments and also for the bizarre circumstances that I find myself in the midst of. The day itself progressed on a higher note – Ruan had sold some of his personal belongings earlier and produced a bottle of Sainsbury’s cream sherry and 4 Belgian chocolate eclairs!!!We stopped at a local park,sat on the grass and very grandly celebrated my 75th birthday. The sun was shining, no birds but a couple of dogs running about. I will remember it well. That evening I prepared a gourmet meal with our Salvation Army tins. Never underestimate what a little chili powder can do.
What did our beloved Chiara’s birthday Day consist of? She is her Papa’s special star. She is there at the rising of the sun and the fading of the moon. It is inhuman to watch one’s child suffer. There is a point of utter failure as a parent if one cannot alleviate this suffering. As a young nurse I spent many moments sobbing in the toilets for desperate parents who could not help their sick children. The rules on the dispensation of morphine for pain were barbarous in those days.
Now I think of my grandmother, my Baba,who managed to keep her children from starvation and death during the First World War occupations in Austria. Their home was in the midst of total warfare. She survived the unspeakable. I have been calling her to me and she has at long last appeared.- much displeased and resolute in that this must not be as it is. I have her genes; do I have her strength? The answer has to be a yes. We are who we are, for better or for worse.
The happenings and the non-happenings that go on in my son’s life defy any rationality. They have been going on for some time but even a tail has a beginning and an end. Some things in life have been designed to simply go through – as in the story of JOB. Even at 75 I find the old testament more than tedious. My Baba, a loyal Catholic, could be quite dismissive of God’s handling of events. Never disrespectful but not always in accord. So, today, when I ask God for help (not withstanding my Mother’s,”Are you sure you’re praying properly?”) – Do I quasi accept like JOB or perhaps question and act?
My Baba has been and made her judgement on the situation. The angels are at their stations. Quo Vadis?
IN the meanwhile it appears that some help in accommodation may be forthcoming. That would be good. It is getting colder.. I don’t think too well when numb. A new medication has been recommended for my temperature discomfort. Blissful co-existence. I am grateful to these people who beaver away on my behalf and well-being in their labs. Just please, no rabbits. Innocence and gentleness should be their own reward.
Ruan has had another meeting uncomprehending as to the issue of ‘habitual residency’: they have not experienced this before. Interesting this red herring of ‘habitual residency’ for some from a former colonial empire. My son’s Father moved back and forth between Canada and the U.K. without any difficulty. Perhaps it is this colonial infusion into the Harding family which has disgruntled the British bureaucrats. I was the first ‘outsider’ in the Harding/Scales family since William the Conqueror. My Mother’s family can trace their antecedents back to the same district as Attila the Hun. Perhaps that offends the British bureaucrats and causes them to deny my son employment. Have to think on that a little more. There may very well be a connection in all this.